Words by Meryl Streep.

Good morning sports fans! After the long wait PLB is back and Season 6 promises to be a corker. We’ll have new teams, great teams and boring old Riders teams. The PLB community across the globe have been licking their chops and after a longer than usual off season it’s time to see which teams really have the hunger.

Ahead of the Season opener we opened up the PLB kitchen for a new episode of Thursday Morning Breakfast. To mark the launch of his new cookbook - “Bowls before Bowls: Pre Lane Feeds” - PLB superfan Gordon Ramsay sat down for some French toast with 2 rivals, friends and PLB stalwarts - Mikky Big Time and Davy Slapz.

Let’s see how the how the conversation unfolded…

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Gordon: Morning fellas, can I get you some coffee?

Big Time: I’ll have a mocha please Gordy, thanks

Slapz: Tea. Black. No sugar.

Gordon: Great stuff. What a pleasure to meet you both. How’s the French toast?

Slapz: Bit dry if I’m honest.

Big Time: Just like your chat then Davy.

Gordon: ‘Nuff of that lads, settle down. Plenty time for fighting talk this evening.

Speaking of evenings… what’ll you be having for dinner before the big game tonight?

Big Time: I’ve been around the PLB for a while now and although I might not have the quick first step that some of the youngsters in this league have, I’ve got a fantastic nutrition and fitness team behind me that keep me match fit. Together over the years we have refined our diet and settled on a pre match routine that works great for me, which is a large Roosters™️chicken wrap and 5 pints of premium lager.

Slapz: Spaghetti Bowlingnaise

Gordon: Delicious. If you like that sort of stuff you should check out the ‘Toad in the Bowl’ recipe in my new book.

Now, let’s get into the juicy stuff. Big Time - it was the first time in 3 seasons that Pinter didn’t win the league. What’s the atmosphere like in the camp?

Big Time: The mood in Milan is one of quiet relief - we knew what 3 consecutive titles meant for the morale of our competition and the longevity of this league, and although our hunger for pins (and pints) never subsided, we would have hated to hurt the league we love so dearly. Now that we’ve let the others have their fun, it’s gonna be clean up on aisle Pinter.

Gordon: Wow, that’s spicy. And Slapz - in contrast, it’s now been 4 seasons since Riders saw any silverware. What’s the mood like in your camp?

Slapz: No comment.

Gordon: …right. Okay. Another one for you Slapz, given your chatty nature this morning. After the Boy Who Lived left in a shock move to the Canadian Rockies Outer Division, how are you feeling about seeing any magic on the lanes this season?

Slapz: 4 strikes in a row last season finale pal - that’s enough magic for any team

Gordon: It was pretty special. Just a shame the celebrations were eclipsed by T-Ball’s quad strike a few games earlier.

And over to you Big Time - ⁠rumour has it a 5th team will be showing up tomorrow. Got any words of wisdom as a 3 time champ?

Big Time: ⁠If you have broken glass on the floor you can use you can use a slice of bread to easily and quickly collect it.

Gordon: I have no idea what that means.

Now Davy…can I call you Davy? ⁠J-Money has been flaunting his trophy on the golf course recently. Got any advice as someone who partied a little too hard after the Riders’ win in Season 1?

Slapz: Enjoy it as you never know when the next victory will come. However, I do feel he needs to show a bit more commitment to PCR. If I’m honest I still don’t know which top he’s going to turn up in this evening after the Pinter Signing Scandal last year.

Gordon: Thanks for opening up there Davy.

And Big Time, looking at you now - Congrats on your recent engagement to one of the spice girls. We’ve seen this before with David and Victoria though. Should the Tickler be worried about your head being elsewhere this season?

Big Time: ⁠Thanks Gordon. It’s a great time for me in my personal life making my engagement with Angelina Bowlie official, but she knows where my priorities lie, and that’s with consistently making it a very bad night to be a bowling pin. Will we release a fragrance? Yes of course. Will we have Heat magazine at our wedding? Undoubtedly - but those balls are still gonna roll hot and sometimes roll straight.

Gordon: And hopefully there’s a wedding invite in the post for your old pal Gordon. Anyway, let’s talk about the recent gossip running rampant across the socials. Davie 2 Shoes was caught in Burger King in the off season looking like he’d gained a few pounds. Do you think that’ll affect his game play and leadership style this season?

Big Time: Davie Two Shoes? More like Davie Too Big for his slim cut jeans. No but seriously David has put on weight and everyone’s noticed - it’s hard to say whether it’s an intentional or tactical off season decision, but with the added weight we might see him break the 5mph mark on his lane for the first time. In terms of leadership, it’s impossible for him to be any more uninspiring, and although the only way is up, it better go up quickly or I can see a mutiny in the ranks.

Gordon: And what do you think Mr Slapz?

Slapz: I love that about my captain - makes him relatable to the commoners. Even though he’s a captain in the PLB he still loves a Burger King. Pinter Captain turns up to the league and drinks soda water - not exactly relatable to the people. Maybe that’s why he never sells shirts?

Gordon: Fair point, well made Davy. I for one am very excited to be laneside tonight. Thanks for your time and for your honesty this morning. Now, another slice of toast anyone?

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Wow wow wow. What an interesting breakfast. That’s why we love Gordon Ramsay. He always manages to get Slapz to open up just a little. His closed off, nervous energy in stark contrast to the cool, calm and collected Mikky Big Time. The tension between the teams is palpable so don’t forget to tune in tonight. We’ll be coming to you LIVE from the World’s End at 6pm.

See you there.