Words by Gutther Bawl.

Every generation lives through hardship, and yet, not every generation is lucky enough to have an escape or a remedy for their tribulations.

The infamous “greatest generation” of the West, I wager, would have happily done anything rather than strap packs on their backs, helmets to their heads, and venture across the sea to war.

The generation that came after them, born in the 50s, had the era of peace and love, Jimi Hendrix, and civil rights protest. Those born in the 70s and 80s had the fortunes of free education, and the spoils of a booming economy.

Now there is no way I can liken the hardships of 2023 with those of our predecessors 80 years ago, but living in the UK right now is very much like buying a pint only to find out it’s warm, flat and at the end of the barrel.

You know you’re not going to enjoy any second of it, but you’ve paid a lot of money, so you might as well crack on. Not to mention, for us small and lucky few, we have Premier League Bowling.

Robert Putnam, the great American political scholar, in his seminal work, observed how the decline of American society in the late 20th century was mirrored by the decline of social recreation. More people, in his words, were “bowling alone”. 

Premier League Bowling, and the merry men that built it, are in the process of remedying this social decay, one pin at a time.

The break had been too long, agreement on that was unanimous. And as the small band of lucky few took their place on the lanes, in our version of battle dress, their escape from their everyday strife was complete.

The competition was predictably fierce, the tightest league race in PLB history had created a fiery atmosphere, and despite all teams missing a few important regulars, the standard of the evening’s play didn’t waver. The Riders absentees were too many for the outfit to handle, and so despite the handicap, they were burdened with Sticky.

At the 11th hour a new agreement had been reached by the league’s officials, capping the potential score of Sticky to 100, a cap that would prove to be invaluable or debilitating, depending in which camp one stood. Pinter and the Riders fought out a titanic battle, where it was genuinely too close to call for the entirety of the game. Once all were counted Sticky had 150 pins, and once the new cap was applied, the teams were separated by, get this: 49 pins, in favour of the Italians.

Had any of one those 50 pins gone to another Rider, they’d have taken a win in that one. The drama of sport.

Pinter, missing their Swedish contingent in Zlats, began the evening solidly. Pinetti carrying the banner in game one as he cruised to Top Pinsman with a 159. The man is the perfect example of the franchise model - a youth player, now grown accustomed to the big stage, comfortable delivering week in, week out. Captain Tickler exhibited a newly devised technique, which even he admitted might need some more honing, “I was feeling good going into t’game, and feel good about t’ings. Our lad's new technique plays to my strengths and it’s only a matter of time before my scores reflect this”, he said afterwards.

Not to be outdone, the Rider’s Davy Slaps was firing on all of his not inconsiderable cylinders. Leading pinsman for the boys in green, whereas he used to crush the ball with Teutonic ferocity, he’s matured now into a bowler of commanding precocity. A 139 and 143 for one of the fans’ favourites, a timely return to form you think as we steam towards the business end of the season.

Whilst the opener was a struggle for PCR, with below par scores across all doors, game 2 told a much more positive story, they seemed to take inspiration from the League’s foremost second game specialists - Pinter Milan. Half-Skipper Renegade posted a very respectable 148, with Commodore and J-Money following suit with a 120 and 129 respectively. You’d think they’d have been shouting a little louder about this under-the-radar performance, but it’s difficult when your patter is drowned out by a mute in a cemetery. Whilst it’s clear the bones of this operation harbour future potential, they’re a little hungover from their champagne-fuelled virgin season, and it’s unlikely anything but the wooden spoon awaits them.

The Milanese again found their second winds nestled at the bottom of their glasses, as they romped to victory in game 2. They continued to pour lagers down their throats, strikes down the lanes, and head-to-head wins into the history books - a clean sweep in game 2 for the men adorning nero e blu.

“Badboy”, “Wonderkid”, “catnip for strikes”, whatever you want to call him, the Pinter’s new boy was back, and back with a vengeance, top scoring in game two, and overall on the night with a 164. I waxed lyrical about him last time, and like all in my field I will continue to build him until the fall. Then I’ll be on him like white on rice. Until then, he’s so bad, he’s so very, very good.

It would be remiss of me to mention another memorable Pinter debut, fortunately again this time for the right reasons. The Ombudsman was consulted, hired, and arbitrated a very successful case for himself on the night. Despite being up against Sticky in both games, consistent mid-120 scores show he has the nous to both officially investigate individuals’ complaints against a company or organisation, especially a public authority, and negotiate devious oil patterns and stubborn pins.

I caught up with the stricken Pinter, Zlats, towards the end of the evening. We chatted amicably, and when I asked him whether he thought of skipping the week and enjoying the rest: “Absolutely not”, came the reply, “as a fan this evening, I had the best seat in the house and wouldn’t have that if I’d stayed at home. Everyone needs an escape sometimes, and right now, PLB is my cottage in the country”.

Luckily for all us pinheads, the wait is nowhere near as long, with a little over a week until our next instalment. I can think of no other title race that could occupy the minds of sports fans in North London, and given how close this one is shaping up to be, all eyes will be on the illuminated fortress of Rowan’s Ten Pin Bowling.

I’ll close by saying the Riders have to be rueing last week as a missed opportunity. Such an accomplished team performance has been rare for them this season, and my professional opinion is that if the Don had been available for selection, it’s hard to see how they wouldn’t have taken all the spoils. Will it all come together at the right moment for them? Time will tell.

Until then, and for all times, play hard, play fair, and keep it rolling.